A Guide to Managing Relationships During Treatment and Recovery

Taking control of your life in treatment and recovery means having more time and energy to focus on rebuilding relationships. As other parts of your life fall into place, such as starting a new job, going back to school, or getting involved with new hobbies, you’ll have many opportunities to meet new people and reconnect with loved ones and family members. With the stigma and shame that are often felt early in relationships and recovery, some people fall into the trap of isolation, which can be harmful and full of relapse triggers. That’s why you must remember that you deserve a fulfilling family and social life without excluding yourself from having fun and making connections with others. Recovery doesn’t have to be a lonely place, and a healthy balance can be achieved when keeping important things in mind while venturing out into your new sober world.

Making New Friends

Meeting new people when in treatment or relationships and recovery can be a bit nerve-wracking at first because, through counseling or while in the recovery process, you have probably learned things about yourself and how social interactions or negative relationships may have contributed to your substance use. Keeping those lessons in mind, it can be a bit daunting to learn to socialize when there are unknown factors involved, and you don’t know what a person is like beyond small talk. This is why many people in treatment, relationships, and recovery tend to befriend others who are also on the same path. Not only will you already share an intense bond through experiences in addiction, but you can also be sure that social settings are likely to be free of substance use or other triggers. There are many recovery networks, both in-person and online! Some internet forums include www.intherooms.com, www.addictiontribe.com, and www.soberrecovery.com. There are also local online groups via Facebook and other apps that are sobriety-based, like Sober Grid. These forums and apps help people connect with others who share similar experiences and those who are regionally close to each other.

Managing the Digital World in Relationships and Recovery

Social media can be full of potential triggers, especially seeing reminders of your life during the height of your addiction. This doesn’t mean that being in recovery should restrict you from having an online presence like everyone else, but it should require some intentional editing. Revamping or deleting old profiles where you may have previously connected with other drug users or people who would not be helpful for your recovery process is a smart move. 

Consider social media as a tool to help you stay on track with your relationships and recovery journey. There are many helpful community groups and others on there that you could connect with.

Dating and Intimacy

While you’re doing a lot of hard work in treatment or relationships and recovery, it can be instinctual to shut yourself off from prospective romantic partners based on fear, shame, or several other emotions. However, having meaningful and healthy relationships is possible while you are still working hard on yourself. To combat isolation, you should consider opening yourself up to the dating world if you’re single and ready. Many people see recovery as the opposite of addiction, solely focused on sobriety; however, it’s much more than that. Recovery also means connecting and opening yourself up to new and healthy experiences that are instrumental to self-improvement, including worthwhile relationships.

Reconnecting with Family

Addiction can take a toll on family members, and those with substance use disorder may find themselves at odds with the people who love them most. It can deteriorate even the strongest of bonds because of how the disease works. The brain begins prioritizing drugs over everything else, and the disruption this causes affects the individual using them as well as the people around them. You may have cut ties with some family members or have distanced yourself from them because you didn’t want them to suffer due to your illness, or they may have cut you out of their lives, but even though these circumstances aren’t always easy to handle, treatment and relationships, and recovery can set you on a path to rebuilding your relationships with family.

Parenting, Co-Parenting, and Single Parenthood

Even under ideal circumstances, parenting is challenging; with the addition of being in treatment or relationships and recovery, it can increase the difficulty tenfold. Because addiction is a family disease, it affects your kids just as much as you, and the guilt can be tremendous. Now that you’re in treatment and relationships and recovery, it’s your chance to make sure that your children’s needs are met and that you’re able to work on reestablishing your parental role positively and productively.

Separation and Divorce

Many relationships become strained when one spouse is battling addiction while the other is holding on and trying to help. Studies show that spouses of those with untreated substance use disorder are unhappier than most, even in comparison to those who are seeking professional help from marriage counselors. Addiction is known to affect the entire family unit, often dividing people on emotional levels when deciding on how to handle the circumstances. There are also elements that are beyond your control when addiction has led you to prioritize substance use over your loved ones, which can cause irreparable damage, even when therapy and counseling have been attempted. There are also instances where both people in a relationship are dealing with substance misuse or addiction, causing the situation to be volatile and difficult to resolve. Even the strongest people are not always able to overcome the chaos that addiction can inflict on a relationship, especially in cases of violence, infidelity, and financial ruin.

If you or your spouse has filed and requested a separation or divorce while you’re in treatment or relationships and recovery, this is also a time for self-preservation, as your sobriety is at stake. Separations and divorces are common relapse triggers that can send those in recovery into a spiral, so it’s important to prepare reinforcements. Connect with a therapist or a counselor you’ve seen throughout this process to discuss the situation. They may have important resources to offer that can help you get through this difficult time.

It’s also important to reach out to your support network of family and friends if you have them. Your loved ones have gone through your addiction troubles with you and have seen your efforts in treatment, relationships, and recovery. This is a good time to connect with people who care and can offer compassion and love, as you want to avoid the feelings of emptiness and loneliness that come about when a relationship ends. They can additionally help you move forward with the changes that come with separation and divorce, like moving, getting your affairs in order, and with childcare if needed.

If you have no one to trust during this challenging time, there are immensely helpful support groups available both within and outside the recovery community. Speaking to people who are going through the same hardships can be immensely comforting and help you get through the hard days ahead. The end of a relationship involves a level of grieving, and having a group of people to confide in can help you focus on healthy methods of distraction, such as exercise, travel, meditation, or other new hobbies. These external activities can fill your time and also take your mind off of impending proceedings.

Once your separation or divorce is finalized, it may take some time to move on, which is natural. An event like this can also spur positive change in you. While previous thought patterns created by substance use disorder may have pushed you to self-medicate to deal with the pain, the tools you’ve learned in counseling and support groups can intercept those urges that could set you back. Just because you weren’t able to fix your relationship while in treatment and recovery, it doesn’t mean that you can’t continue to improve yourself and strive towards your goals. With time, you will notice it becomes more manageable, and you will gain new strengths from enduring this life change.

Parenting, Co-Parenting, and Single Parenthood in Relationships and Recovery

Even under ideal circumstances, parenting is challenging; with the addition of being in treatment or recovery, it can increase the difficulty tenfold. Because addiction is a family disease, it affects your kids just as much as you, and the guilt can be tremendous. Now that you’re in treatment and recovery, it’s your chance to make sure that your children’s needs are met and that you’re able to work on reestablishing your parental role in a positive and productive way in relationships and recovery.

According to NIDA (National Institute on Drug Abuse), about 25% of children under 18 are exposed to some form of substance misuse within their family, making them susceptible to depression, anxiety, and future issues with addiction. Knowing that addiction can also play a genetic role in children, it’s vital for parents who have had success in recovery to make efforts to address these issues once they are able to. Sadly, about 61% of cases where children are displaced from their homes by Child Protective Services are when drug use is involved. These experiences can impact children for the rest of their lives and destroy familial bonds.

Children who have grown up in homes with a parent with untreated substance use disorder are more likely to perform poorly in school, have behavioral and self-esteem issues, and suffer from anxiety due to not having the emotional faculties to deal with their parent’s struggles in relationships and recovery. It also contributes to children experimenting with drugs and alcohol at an early age. Helping your children heal from the effects of your addiction along with you can significantly improve their futures and your relationship, whether you currently have full custody or are working to retain custody.

Children thrive when they’re given boundaries. It can be tempting to spoil them now that you have found a new path in life, wanting to make up for lost time, but the situation needs to be productive and sustainable. Children want to feel safe and have defined rules in the home so they know how to act appropriately. Kids who grow up around parents with substance use disorder tend to lack discipline, which can lead to behavioral disorders down the line. Working on establishing right from wrong and what’s acceptable will help set a healthy tone in a household focused on relationships and recovery.

Telling your children about your treatment and recovery can be a vital step in helping reunite your family. For young kids under the age of 10, it can be difficult to grasp the concept. You can try to explain it in a way they can understand, focusing on times when you were absent or unable to be there for them in the past. For tweens and teens, it’s often best to be forthright about substance use disorder and that it’s a treatable disease. This can also help segue into your treatment and recovery efforts, as well as the future you are looking forward to. Some children may exhibit anger, especially teenagers, but it’s nothing you should take personally, despite how difficult it may be emotionally. They also have to heal during this time and could benefit from family counseling programs.

When speaking with your child in relationships and recovery

Claim ownership of your addiction to convey to your children that your substance use disorder is not their fault. Kids may perceive their behaviors as “reasons” that pushed them toward addiction, but it’s important that they understand that it’s a disease that can be treated.
Be patient with your child’s ability to become close with you again now that you are in treatment and recovery. It’s impossible to make up for lost time overnight, and it will take time and effort to regain their trust in your efforts to become a better parent.
Keep your word, and don’t make any false promises. Children can take things rather literally, so don’t raise their hopes unless you plan to follow through!
Apologize sincerely for things that may have happened during your struggles with addiction and recognize your mistakes. This will help validate your kids’ feelings and help them move forward.
Make new memories since you cannot erase any bad ones they may have of your addiction before you reached out for help. Children are incredibly resilient, and their ability to move on will be reliant on your efforts for a healthy and productive recovery journey.

It’s beneficial to have a spouse or another family member that your children trust present and participating during this time in relationships and recovery.

Single parenting in recovery is both stressful and rewarding since children and sobriety are both lifelong commitments that require unrelenting dedication. Despite the trials and tribulations of addiction, single parents can do anything they set out to, whether they are co-parenting or fully on their own.

Speaking with a counselor or case manager is important if you are a single parent. They can provide help with the following local and governmental resources:

Legal assistance
Vocational training
Educational assistance
Food assistance
Help to find safe and affordable housing
Various parenting resources, like childcare

Those who are co-parenting may also face unique issues from single parents. Separation or divorce can be a stressful experience when children are involved, but the main focus should always be the well-being of any children involved in relationships and recovery.

Some things to be aware of for people in these situations are:

Overcompensation: The guilt you feel for what your child experienced during the days of your addiction may lead you to overindulge them as a result. Set limits and enforce responsible behavior for yourself. Your child looks to you for guidance, and allowing a free-for-all when in your care can strain the relationship and teach them bad habits in the future.
Inter-fighting: You may not get along with your ex, but co-parenting requires balance and maturity. If contact with your ex is triggering or a danger to your recovery, work with a mediator to serve as a checkpoint between each other to maintain joint custody. Fighting in front of your children about parenting issues can strain your relationship with them and complicate their relationship with the other parent.
Discipline: Divorced or separated parents tend to fall into the “good cop, bad cop” roles when it comes to boundary-setting and rules. Don’t fall into one role; instead, find a balance where your child sees you as someone to trust with guiding their behavior. Due to guilt for previous parental absence, you may feel compelled to be the “good cop,” but setting positive and age-appropriate discipline is necessary for raising stable children in the long run.

Parents in recovery in any situation can benefit from the following:

Define the future: Redefine your life, roles, and responsibilities both at home and outside it, in a visible way to your children. Foster a dynamic of team effort within the family unit at all times to help everyone move forward together in relationships and recovery.
Move towards success: You can’t live in fear of doing something wrong as a parent, empower yourself and your children to succeed by getting involved in the community and make connections with other families to build a sense of togetherness and belonging.
Build emotional strength: Addiction may have taken a toll on family bonds, but feelings and emotions can be rebuilt and healed. Taking on this new path together can create a great parent-child relationship that will continue to be refined over time.
Make yourself available: Trust yourself with the care of your child. Encourage them to come to you with their thoughts without worrying; it will stress you out or anger you. Using the coping tools you learned in counseling, you can take on the role of a leader that they need from you in relationships and recovery.

Embracing a Brighter Future Together with AppleGate Recovery

As you navigate the complex pathways of relationships and recovery, remember that each step forward is a part of a more extensive journey toward healing and growth. At AppleGate Recovery, we understand that rebuilding and fostering relationships is a crucial element of your recovery process. Whether it’s reconnecting with family, building new friendships, or fostering romantic relationships, your experiences at AppleGate Recovery offer a unique opportunity to redefine and enrich your interactions with others.

In relationships and recovery, challenges can transform into stepping stones for development, guiding you toward a resilient and supportive network of loved ones. By maintaining open communication, practicing empathy, and setting clear expectations with those around you, you create a supportive environment conducive to mutual growth and understanding. The road to recovery is seldom traveled alone, and inviting others to join you on this journey amplifies the strength and positivity that relationships can bring into your life.

Your courage to embrace this journey, coupled with the strategies and support systems provided by AppleGate Recovery, paves the way for a life rich with meaningful connections and newfound joy. As you continue to heal and build upon these relationships, remember that every moment of sincerity, effort toward understanding, and step toward inclusivity enhances your recovery and enriches the lives of all involved. Here’s to moving forward, not just in recovery but in fostering thriving relationships that withstand the tests of time and challenge. Together, you and your loved ones can look forward to a future where support, love, and mutual respect are the cornerstones of every interaction.

Let this be a time of renewal and strength as you and your support network at AppleGate Recovery embrace the future with optimism and an unwavering commitment to thrive in all aspects of life.

FAQS

Can you be in a relationship while in recovery?

While you can, it’s often recommended to wait, especially during your first year. Early recovery is a critical time to focus on your own healing and building a stable foundation. New relationships can be a source of stress and distraction. It’s best to discuss this with your counselor or sponsor to determine what is healthiest for you.

What are the three C’s in recovery?

The three C’s are a concept often used in recovery programs to help individuals understand addiction. They stand for:

Cause: You didn’t cause the addiction.
Control: You can’t control the addiction.
Cure: You can’t cure the addiction. This helps people release guilt and focus on their own healing and responses.

What are the 5 W’s in recovery?

The 5 W’s are a self-reflection tool used to understand triggers and cravings for relapse prevention. When you feel vulnerable, you ask:

Who are you with?
What are you feeling or thinking?
When is this happening (time of day, etc.)?
Where are you?
Why are you feeling this way (what was the trigger)?

Why are relationships important in addiction recovery? Healthy relationships are vital because they break the isolation that often fuels addiction. A strong support network (friends, family, sponsors, support groups) provides accountability, encouragement, and a safe space to share struggles. These positive connections reduce loneliness and shame, which are major relapse triggers, and help build a new, fulfilling life in sobriety