Healing Relationships in Recovery 

Repairing the damage caused by addiction can be difficult, but it is worthwhile.  

Addiction takes a toll on your entire life and negatively impacts your loved ones. These detrimental effects are why addiction is often called a “family disease.” The behaviors that accompany your addiction can especially affect your spouse or significant other. Many nights spent crying and worrying can steadily build resentment and distrust, and the broken promises speak volumes.   

Critical elements of a healthy relationship wear down quickly when one partner is unable to think clearly due to addiction. This causes the unraveling of a loving bond. However, with hard work in treatment, healing relationships in recovery is possible. You can take steps to restore your marriage or romantic bond as you begin to rebuild your life. 

Steps to Healing Relationships in Recovery 

If you want to begin healing relationships in recovery, it can feel overwhelming at first. Do not let guilt and shame keep you from starting this journey. The people you may have hurt due to your substance use disorder might  be angry with you, but many will be open to making amends if you take the first step. 

When it comes to repairing marriage after addiction, things can be a little more complicated. Much work may be involved before you can return to how things were before. However, all of your efforts will not be in vain. Here are some of the most important aspects of rebuilding trust:  

Forgiveness: This step is two-fold: first, you need to forgive yourself before your spouse can fully forgive you. Unburdening yourself from the guilt of your past actions influenced by substance use disorder is difficult but necessary.  

Rebuilding trust and the bond between you and your partner will require a lot of listening and hard work together. Consider addiction counseling for couples while overcoming addiction together as a team with the help of a mediator. Having a third person in the room who understands the complexities of addiction can foster better dialogue.  

Self-Accountability: Part of your substance use disorder recovery will involve steps like accepting your responsibility for the things that have happened. These occurrences may be in the past, but your addiction influenced them and caused lasting pain to others. While you cannot undo them, you can make up for them with your actions in recovery. 

Self-accountability in recovery can be painful, but sharing it with your partner is vital. It can significantly help them to hear you acknowledge your wrongdoing. It does not come with any guarantees of immediate forgiveness. Still, it is a step towards leaving those times in the past and moving forward. 

Listening: Sometimes, you will hear things you do not want to hear. These statements may make you think back to times you hurt your spouse. These negative recalls can cause you to feel defensive or angry. It would be best to resist combativeness so that this step can work as it should.  

These conversations can be difficult to initiate, and sometimes there is no “right time” to begin. Consider seeking a counselor to help during these discussions with your partner to ensure both parties feel heard. Significant issues are better discussed and worked through in a controlled and safe space for you and your spouse. 

Patience: Addiction treatment will allow you to think more clearly than ever, though a full recovery is still on the horizon. Your work in treatment is a big step you have taken to begin building a new and better version of yourself. Focusing on this phase will require patience from you and your partner.  

Your healing process must be a priority before you can jump into any significant new changes concerning your marriage. Building trust will take time, so patience is necessary to rebuild your relationship successfully. Marriage counseling is always a good option, even if the focus is not solely on your addiction.  

Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.  — Corrie Ten Boom 

Couples Counseling in Addiction Recovery 

Part of the “family disease model” of addiction dissects everyone’s role in a person’s experience with drug misuse. This broaches the subject of codependency and addiction and the chain reaction that it causes throughout a family structure. This is particularly important if you are married and have children.    

In many cases, the person who struggles with substance use disorder often has several friends and family members who are enablers. They cover for, take care of, or otherwise support the substance abuse by allowing the person to continue using. The person misusing substances never suffers consequences or difficulties caused by their addiction. This allows them to continue their substance misuse while someone protects them from the worst adverse effects.  

Even healthy family units can create codependency and unproductive behaviors once the substance use disorder enters the home. This puts the whole family system at risk. The spouse, family member or friend can struggle with the feeling of powerlessness over their loved one’s substance use disorder. Resources such as Al-Anon, Nar Anon, and CODA (Co-Dependents Anonymous) can assist with these contributions to their substance use disorder. 

Couples counseling can help discuss the complicated bond of codependency, so the same patterns do not repeat in the future. You will be doing recovery counseling throughout treatment; your partner could also benefit from speaking to someone. Find a couples counselor who is well-versed in addiction to ensure that your spouse receives valuable input from a professional.  

How to Rebuild Trust in a Marriage after Drug Addiction  

A major factor in repairing the damage addiction inflicted on marriage is regaining trust. Regaining your partner’s trust after they have been on the receiving end of deceptive behavior can be difficult. They certainly cannot be expected to overcome their own challenges with forgiveness overnight.  

The key is giving them space and time to work through the next phase of your relationship. In the meantime, you will continue to work on yourself in treatment. Remember that your spouse has some healing to do of their own. They must be willing to openly and honestly address their part in the issues you face as a couple. Together, you will work to navigate through the rebuilding phase of the relationship while in recovery. 

When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.  — Bernard Meltzer 

Begin Healing Relationships in Recovery with the Help of AppleGate Recovery  

AppleGate Recovery has helped many people take control of their addiction and rebuild their lives. Our office-based outpatient treatment centers function just like other medical offices. The medical providers at AppleGate understand the intricacies of addiction and know how to help.  

Our evidence-based methods for treating substance use disorder allow you to work on yourself physically and mentally. With the support of substance use counselors and outside support programs, you will find your way to successful recovery.  

Take the first step today and give us a call or send us a message. Our friendly administrative staff is ready to answer any questions you may have. Choose recovery today for yourself and your family; reach out to AppleGate Recovery now.